Dear World, You can stop inventing stuff now. There’s no need. The pinnacle of human product creation has been reached. Anything that comes after will be but a pale shadow.

The product we’re talking about is, of course, the “Cooler Cannon” – an item that’s putting a new teched-up twist to the time-worn phrase, “Toss me a beer.”

Indeed, to the unbridled delight of frats, tailgaters and backyard-imbibing dads everywhere, this gift summoned from the collective unconscious of human creativity by Hoyboy LLC actually tosses cans of beer – or other canned drinkables -- up to a distance of eight feet.

The implications for brew hounds are there for all to see: This means you and your pot belly need not rise from the lawn chair or recliner to retrieve another cold one. Our reaction upon learning of the Cooler Cannon is summed up accurately here.

An earlier incarnation of this – what we have, with understatement, dubbed the Zeus of Coolers – was to work with a remote. Now, however, a next generation Cooler Cannon is going Silicon Valley-style and can be operated with a convenient iPhone mobile app, as this 45-second video details.

According to Hoyboy, the cooler holds up to 18 cans. It features two wheels and a handle for easy transport. Oh, and get this: It’s said to reload within two seconds after firing a can. This is heartening, for in theory, you can semi-automatic spray 18 cans of brew to bros in less than a minute.

Unfortunately, everything has a downside, as our adult years have taught us, so there is a bummer regarding the Cooler Cannon -- and it’s this: The cooler is not yet in production. Yeah, I know: gutted, right? Still, the company website says that the cooler is projected to sell for $195. And, you can sign up to be notified when this marvel of ingenuity is for sale.

While we can hear Ralphie’s mom telling us we’ll shoot our eyes out with this one, we think the awesomeness outweighs the risks. As such, we hope the Cooler Cannon will enter the promotional products industry sooner than later. Craft brewers, alumni associations, universities, corporations keen for something fun for their summer cookout – all these and more could go cuckoo for the Cannon. We certainly are. Cheers ~